Where do I even start?
Umm okay, so the very first thing when it comes to you is, infinite love.
You see, there are different kinds of love, the one that you grow gradually with as times goes by because it is requited to be and the one that crushing all over you at once because it is what you want. This is the first kind of love. The one that I didn't choose to be in love with. But lately, I found the reason why I love you. After all these times, these years, countless seconds with you, I found it now.
Do you remember how much argue we had? I screamed at you, slamming doors and cried so bad. So bad that I wanna bang my head to the walls, literally. And it's all because of you. I even wished we NEVER EVER met. I wished I don't have to be around you for my lifetime.
I wished.
You rarely grant my wish or give me what I want, even the tiniest one. Like I want to eat something, but you opposed. I used to loathe at you for that. You always get a little too much over little things and I hate that.. Sometimes you don't get the right timing for saying things so I ended up mad with you, again.
But, I think as time goes by and as I grow up with you, I find that actually we're alike. Our birth date only have 7 days gap so that makes both of us Arians, maybe that's one of the reasons why we're so alike.
And what I realize right now, you have done so much for me yet I don't see enough.
You always pick me up after college whenever my class finished above 4 PM even though yourself is worn out after your activities. Waited hours for me after my organizational meetings that usually end above 8 PM. When I get into the car, you already bought a meal for me because you know I didn't have time to eat. And the recent one, waited from 7.30 PM to 11.30 PM when I hang out with my friends, even I lied to you about where I actually went that night. Yet you still wait for 4 bloody hours because you didn't want me to go home alone by taxi, it's better to physically tired than mentally tired waiting, you said. I said sorry for waiting so long, and you kept saying it's alright as if you only waits for 15 minutes. You showed no tiredness, no disappointment for waiting that long.
Because I remember, at one time, I got mad at you just because when I arrived to the meet-up place where you used to pick me up, you weren't there yet. I waited for less than 5 minutes but I already got so mad at you while on contrary, you, waiting for 4 hours and didn't even complain about it.
What kind of person am I.
At one concert, you drove me to the concert place at morning, and still waited for me, buying me drinks when I queued even when I didn't ask you to, you want to wait for me until I can get inside the gate safely, you said. After I got into the gate, you tried to go home but the jam inside the concert place is so hectic your car even can't get out. And ended up you wait for me until the concert's finished, in the same place. For like 14 hours. And you're totally okay with that, no complains.
If it's not love then tell me what it is.
Conversation with you will always be the best, we can talk about anything. Having laughs together, discuss things together, seeing things from your point of view and my point of view, brainstorming. Arguing in a healthy way.
You are the only one who can truly define me, the only one who deeply understands me. I may have disappoint you sometimes, but never have I ever felt a lack of infinite love in you. You know how to help me see deeply, perceive the depths of things, during our many conversations, which, as the hours passed, helped me become aware of my fears or simply opened my heart and thoughts more.
I don't only love you for all that you do for me, I love you for the person you are today, for the thousands of lives you save every second of yours, including mine. I love you for who you truly are, for your radiance, your eternal joy and your unconditional love.
Without the strength you give to me, I'd be lost, unable to bear difficulties in everyday life. I'd have taken the wrong path if you hadn't held my hand and guide me. And I'm on the same path as you. I want you to guide me and wait proudly at the finish line because I know you will guide me to the right path, right ways. If my vulnerability, my fragility has been strengthened, if certain fears have been dispelled, if many conflicts have been avoided, it's thanks to you.
You have always been there for me, and I thank you from the very depths of my soul..
You're my role model. You're the best example there is; if you only knew how much I'd like to resemble you. You're the bar for me to see a qualification in a guy. Someday I will get married and the person I'll be with must have qualification just like you have. Because I want to be treated just like how sincere the way you treat me. One day I will and I'll ceaselessly try to improve and become a better person. You've made me, you've built me to be strong.
I know all the efforts you make, how hard you work. If everyone tried to hurt you, embarrass you, disappoint you, thinking you're wrong, if God decides to close a door you're about to go through, there will be one person who'll support you no matter what, there's one person who'll trust in you forever and who will give without expecting anything in return. There's one person who will always love you, who'll give you all her love unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. There will be at least one person who'll never forget who you are...
And that person is me, Dad.
This is not a love letter for you, but this is a lifetime commitment of my infinite love for you.
I love you, with every cells of me, with every blood stream coming from my heart to the entire body, from the lungs, from every bits of me. I love you, Dad.
I am so proud for having Tjiptadi Rahadi Widjaja as my father.
:')
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